Saturday, September 30, 2006

A day that will remain deeply etched in my heart forever….

After procrastinating for nearly a week, I studied peacefully last night. I guess the reason was that I was reading “Genes and society” - One of my all time favorite subjects. Purines….Pyrimidines….DNA double helix… Watson… Crick… Boyen… Coher… Transcription… Translation… amino-acids…poly-peptide chains… White blue selection… restriction mapping… hybridization… Mendel… His laws of inheritance… polymerase chain reaction… variable number tandem repeat… restriction fragment length polymorphism... Southern blotting…
Hey, don’t gimme that look….I am not trying to show off….neither am I revising my stuff… It’s just that when we read all these stuff, we appreciate and understand why we are what we are, what we are made up of and why we react in the way we do to situations. Wow, life is too complex men.

Anyway I was also able to sleep peacefully last night. Then, when I woke up a little late the next morning (hey…11 o’ clock is not that late…lol…) only to find that I was late for a ‘particular secret club thing’. It was basically all about listening to people in trouble and helping them sort their feelings. Today morning was the first time I was having my duty. I was very excited about the kind of calls I might get and the way I would go about helping them. I rushed up to the venue thinking I was late only to find that my duty was only at 12 noon. So, I thanked god as I didn’t miss anything. Then I was patiently waiting near the phone, hoping for it to ring for half an hour. When nothing happened I was too bored and I just flipped through a few notebooks there. They were the log books of the previous call records. I was simply flabbergasted on reading them. How sinful a life, some people lead. I observed that most of the callers were victims of some cruel atrocities by these people. One of them that affected me the most was a pathetic 14-year-old kid calling up unsure of what to do after being violently molested by her 40-year-old uncle; it was too disgusting to think about the existence of such people on earth. Those who cant prioritize their needs and duties. And this was just one among the cruelties that the victims were subjected to.

And then I waited hopefully for the phone to ring.

But then, I had to leave the place rather irritated when I received not even a single call even after 4 hours. Phew…then, in the same bitched mood I went to a befriending seva organized by a particular club in our university. It was a visit to a hospital where we would have to talk and feed the patients and also to make them feel as comfortable as possible. I was rather tensed on how I would handle the situation as it was another first for me today.

I was introduced to an old and lonely lady in a secluded ward. She looked like she was well above 80 years. She had no visitors at all and that made my heart heavy. She looked very fragile and sick. It seemed to me like that she would neither speak nor understand if I spoke to her. But, I wasn’t sure of what to do. Then, the nurse there confirmed my suspicion that the aunty understood nothing and so would be better if I rested there until she brought dinner for her. So, I sat besides her feeling very guilty as I was not of any help to her. I felt very incomplete and considered it a grave error to have signed up for the seva.

Then, after 20 minutes the nurse brought her food. It was of 6 different colors brown, white, pink, red, custard-colored and green; but they looked very similar in their composition and consistency. (So pathetic it was to look at the food…)The nurse said me “She has quite a lot of food because she is on high calcium and high sugar…” and gave the details of how I was supposed to feed her and what all. Patiently I fed her not clear if she liked it or not. And then I stopped feeding her when she refused to open her mouth any further. Then, she got her dessert, an ice-cream, which was the only thing that she ate fondly. Being an ardent lover of ice-cream myself, it was very encouraging to observe that Ice-creams saw no distinction of age among people. It felt as though I had successfully climbed the whole of Mt.Everest when I finished feeding her. It felt so happy and satisfied as though a hole of uncertainty was blocked in my life. Then, it was time for me to leave. I went to bid my farewell to her. That was the moment of pleasant surprise for me. She held my hand closed her hands over mine and took it to her heart. As she couldn’t speak, it was her way of expressing her gratitude towards me. Instantly I was so touched by her act and tears of joy welled up my eyes and finally I was so happy I signed up for the event. I am looking forward for more days to spend there in the hospital.

And yeah, honestly, it was a day that will remain deeply etched in my heart forever.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Time - The ultimate healer of all troubles in the universe!!!

After my 12th board exams, I was totally messed up unsure of the path I should choose. Basically, my decision making skills were (and still are) pathetically poor. And that lead to a period of complete unrest in my life, even can say of my whole family. Finally, trusting my parents, grand parents and after consulting a few others, I decided to give it a go and come to NUS, Singapore. I wouldn’t say it was compulsion that drove me here, but rather like I followed their guidelines.

I took the plane, wondering what I was up to and what my future beheld. I was matriculated still in the same chaotic state. Though the air and atmosphere of NUS was well up to my expectations or maybe even beyond them, I was in sheer indecision. I waited patiently for the future to unfold.

I expected to be messed up initially and was hoping for some miracle to happen to relieve me from my troubles.As the saying goes ‘Life is not a bed of roses’. Nothing I was hoping for happened. I was bewildered unsure of what I should do to make things better, all the while wondering what was the purpose I came here.

It’s been one and a half years since I came here and still I am not sure if my questions were answered. I still don’t know if my decision was right. But, I can assure one thing for sure…Time is the best healer to any problem that exists…As seconds ticked by, I got accustomed to my problems and tried to find different solutions for them. Instead of worrying that the problem has arrived, thinking about how to solve them proved to be a million times better. And whether it got solved at the end is a completely different issue. What is more important is that it made me feel confident…Being able to solve or rather trying to tackle one’s problems all by oneself is by itself like a gulp of fresh air in a salty ocean.

It is time that taught me how to look on the brighter side of the life. Though, still I am not very clear of what I am doing here, I have learnt a lot of new things like how to face my problems without quitting, being optimistic, being independent and so on. After all, life’s all about learning new things.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

My humble first attempt....

I have been badly wanting to blog for a long while, but have never been confident to come up with a write-up so far. Because of a good friend’s encouragement and also on being motivated on reading the blogs of a few more bloggers, here I am attempting to write, on a considerably bored day which I have already wasted like hell despite my mom’s strict advice of ‘enough of enjoyment and get back to serious work’. I choose to write rather than watch another movie. (Wah! Already saw four movies in two days!!! That would have been record men! Way to go Raji on being so time-conscious and making wonderful use of mid-semester break![;)])

Actually I am bugged to death in the vacation though its just begun and besides the fact that I have meetings, projects and loads of other stuff to do like read, write, memorize, watch (not movies la…webcast) I am not even thinking of touching my book and finding reasons to postpone the stuff. Usually when I feel this way, I would threaten myself imagining the impending results or I would tell myself “Raji, You are supposed to be responsible girl. Come on, you can do it”. And that’s been enough to pull myself together. But to my great displeasure none of it is working out right now. I am trying to analyze my behavior and find the plausible reasons logically, how as an “ENGINEER” [:)], I am supposed to do. The only reason I can come out with was the fact (to my horror) that I am becoming over-confident. No, I am not becoming over-confident. I have been over-confident throughout my entire life. Arrey! That makes my heart sink! However it is true…Truth is always bitter to face! So, I need something to kindle a fire in me and burn the barrier that’s stopping me. (At least temporarily)

Now that I have found my problem, what should I do to solve it? (Thinking sensibly, duh! Ahem, a proof that am budding to be a proper “Engineer”). (And did you notice my stress on the word engineer every time I use it? That’s basically because becoming an engineer had never been my dream, though I am thoroughly enjoying the experience right now.) Pour everything out in a paper and get a good night’s sleep and wake up fresh tomorrow to face whatever comes next. No, I am sure this is not going to work now. (Because that’s what I experimented last night and ended up watching two more movies. (I am proud of me at times. [:] )). So, where’s the solution please! How am I going to inspire and motivate myself??? I know that I am in a do or die situation, yet ….. So, I sit back, close my eyes, relax and think about it!!) I could envisage my father, mother, brother and the whole of my family smiling in front of me. (Something weird here!)

Then the truth struck me hard!

Oh my god! What have I been doing!!! Trying to break the hopes of my entire family was I??? A bitter juice climbed up my throat slowly….Emotions engulfed my heart…I reflected again and here it is….

My Dad_
He is the best dad in the entire world! (I guess it’s the same for every female child because I strongly believe the fact that “biologically” girlies are supposed to be attached to their dad and guys towards their mom. And yeah I agree there will be a lot of exceptions (Don’t come storming at me!)) Anyway, so what’s ‘it’ that my dad has that makes him so special. Though words are not enough to describe him, I have tried my level best.
He is what he is. Whenever I am stressed (which is like almost every day) he offers a ready shoulder to lean on and give comfort. He is always ready with tons and gallons of advices which are all super sensible. He understands me perfectly well and offers right solutions at right instances and never gets tired of me crying or boring him with my problems. He can easily break a silent uncomfortable air by his witty humorous remarks.
Whatever he does has a beautiful meaning behind it, if you observe keenly.
Ohhhhhh…..I can write pages and pages about him. But to end shortly, he is a perfect son, perfect father, perfect friend, and perfect human being as a whole. This is what every human aspires to be in one’s life and I am so proud that he has achieved that goal. I simply love him very much.

My mom_
She is the most caring, the most perfect mom and wife in the entire universe. She is very dedicated, committed spiritual and understanding. She strives to be perfect in whatever she does and succeeds most of the time. She has been a persistent, encouraging, warm breeze in my life and I am sure will continue to be one. She is an awesome cook (Though I have never admitted that in front of her.) A woman is the like strong glue who binds a family together and it’s up to her to make the home as joyful as possible. In that aspect none can compete with my mom. And she is an excellent example of how a homely, married woman should lead a successful and pleasant life following all the customs and traditions in a perfect manner. I try to follow her principles most of the times. And simply, she is THE BEST.

My parents lead their life in such a way that they stand out as role-models to us (me and my brother). (At least for me right now. My brother will understand when he is older.) Their whole world revolves around us. They have done everything to make us happy and I hope I will do the same to them and try to be a good if not a perfect daughter.

I am who I am today only because of my parents and other family members. I am so proud of them. At least for them I should be dedicated in whatever I do. I can. I will. I must. I should. I can.

Whenever I skip doing my duty, thinking of them should be my inspiring energy chocolate.

I started writing the blog in a light mood and now have ended up really emotional with teary blurred eyes and heavy heart. Besides, this attempt has made me discover a part of my feelings. Kudos to myself and everyone who love their parents...

Pardon my amateur play with words. As the saying goes " Practise makes perfect"...So maybe I will mature with time. ..Anywayz people please leave me ur honest comments...because only with that i would have an idea of how to improve...Thanks a lot...